I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
