so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
