i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
