I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
