how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
