clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
