he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize