Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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