we're chasing vodka with high fives
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize