Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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