peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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