I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
