I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My liver just broke up with me...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
