I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
