why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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