Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
