Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
