He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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