he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
