If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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