What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
