ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
