You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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