I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
