i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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