At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
