Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize