I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
