the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
