Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish I only lived at night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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