i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
