every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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