My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
