I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
