i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
