very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
