apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
