Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
