whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
