I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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