Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
