So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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