did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
