Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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