I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize