If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
