you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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