Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
