Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
