I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
