this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
